An LDS view on marriage

“… for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

For some this is a mere romantic gesture. For others it is the biggest commitment they will engage in, in their lifetime.

For members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, however, the commitment of marriage spans beyond death, as God intended it to. This is thanks to revelation and the priesthood.  The coined term is eternal marriage. Eternal, of course, as a word, points us in two directions, namely forever and God. This is because eternal by definition means forever. Thus an eternal marriage is one that lasts forever. God is eternal, and thus eternal points us toward God. Therefore an eternal marriage is one with God at the center. For Latter-Day Saints marriage is not just a two-way promise between two people. It is a three-way covenant between husband, wife, and God. In order to understand eternal marriage, as a whole, we must first understand the eternal nature and purpose of families.

“We… solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children… The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally” (The Family, 1995).

The family unit is essential to God’s plan of happiness. Family bonds properly sealed by priesthood authority in holy temples perpetuate beyond the grave. The bond of marriage is essential and central to the family unit. Thus for Latter-Day Saints marriage is viewed with a different perspective than many others. An eternal perspective.

To further illustrate this perspective we turn to President Kimball:

“Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with eternal joys. It affects not only the two people involved, but also their families and particularly their children and their children’s children down through the many generations. In selecting a companion for life and for eternity, certainly the most careful planning and thinking and praying and fasting should be done to be sure that of all the decisions, this one must not be wrong” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball [2006], 193).

Latter-Day Saints make this choice of marriage for more than just themselves or for more than just a period of time. They do it for family and they make the choice for eternity. When I made the choice to get married, I didn't just think of traits that I would like in a woman. Such as an attractive wife, likeableness, compatibility or other things of the like. While each of these are good commendable traits and certainly ones my wife possesses I did not seek for, nor concentrate on them. Instead I took long term perspective, an eternal perspective. As I set my sights on a woman I looked for three traits. First I looked for a woman who loved the Lord more than me as I wanted someone who would do what is right no matter the cost. Secondly I looked for a woman who had the capacity to forgive for I knew I would need much forgiveness in life. Last but certainly not least in importance I looked for a woman who I could entrust to raise our children. I found all of these and much more in my lovely wife, Rebecca.

Once married Latter-Day Saints should make every effort to keep their marriage. The Savior himself said, 

“For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:5-6).

Armed with this commandment and eternal perspective Latter-Day Saints have the increased capacity to look beyond the trivial annoyances and challenges that come with any marriage.  Spouses find strength in staying faithful in spirit, mind, and body by keeping an eternal perspective.

Whenever two lives mesh together to become one there will be challenges to face. For Rebecca and I one such challenge was laundry. I had done laundry on my own for 3+ years before Rebecca and I got married. I had a certain way that I did my laundry. I liked my way, it was a good way to perform such a task. I believed I had worked out an ideal system which balanced environmental, clothing, and timing requirements. Rebecca, however, had a much different way of doing laundry. Her way stemmed from tradition, and put an emphasis on efficiency. As our lives came together so did many tasks. The differences in the process of laundry could not be reconciled without significant compromises on both sides. Even though we both had different ways creating a new laundry process was a smooth transition without contempt or malice in jest or otherwise by either of us. This is because despite each of us knowing that our way was right we kept an eye on the eternities. We knew this small disagreeance was not one worth jeopardizing our eternal marriage on, and certainly not worth risking our children's fates on.

As family members pass through the veil to the other side this provides increased motivation for those remaining to live worthily in order to partake of all the blessings God has in store and see their loved ones on the other side.

Fortunately, my family is young we have yet to experience the pains of a loved one passing through to the other side. My wife, however has lost most of her grandparents. In particular she recently lost her grandmother on her mom’s side. Unfortunately her grandmother passed on far too early for our little Emi to remember her. But stories will be told and goals shall be made to live worthily that she might meet her great-grandmother again on the other side of death’s door.  

These small examples illustrate how pervasive these ideas are in Latter-Day Saints’ lives.

An eternal marriage is something each one of us should strive for if we don't yet have it. For those who do have it, it is something each of us should strive to uphold and strengthen.

My family sealed in the San Diego Temple

I offer you my testimony. Eternal marriage is one of the greatest blessings one can have in this life. Through my own experience I know that my eternal marriage provides strength for me and strength for my family. Not only my immediate family, but also to those in our extended families even those who are not members of our church. I am grateful for the knowledge and the blessing to have a marriage that doesn't have to end with death. I promise that if you do not yet have this blessing in your own life, if you will seek it then the Lord shall help you obtain it. 

I say these things in the name of our Lord and Savior even Jesus Christ. Amen.

Lessons from the Dishwasher

Woke up this morning at 3:30am tried falling back asleep for an hour then finally realized at 4:30am that sleep had all but left me.  So I decided to start the day.  Got out of bed and took off my Zeo to a score of 48 (¡ijolé!)!

Anyways opened up my daily emails and was caught by an article from my LinkedIn feed by Mark Suster called Startup Mantra: Hire Fast, Fire Fast.  Which actually more or less has nothing to do with this post haha.  However at the beginning of the article Mark goes on a little rant of his own (kinda like the one I'm doing now).  There he says;

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"They (successful entrepreneurs) know that a 70% accurate decision made quickly and based on sound principles is better than a 90% decision made after careful consideration."

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This struck quite a cord with me so I promptly posit it to my Facebook status.  The words however stuck with me for most of the day.  Being a recent college grad and data-centric myself I often fear that I fall prey to analysis paralysis.  So I malled it over in my head for quite some time, and then (as with most things) completely forgot about it.

The day wore on and I found myself loading the dishwasher after dinner.  I put a few dishes in and tried to be a good boy and place then wherever the manufacture had so ingeniously designed each plate and cup to go.  Or perhaps that was my own version of OCD coming out.  But as more and more dishes kept coming and coming I found myself trying to pile this pan here and that pan over there.  Then those darn little tupperware came so I picked up the pans I had just place put the tupperware under them then the pans back over it (slightly beamed with pride at my Boy Scout packing skills).  But the dishes kept coming and so I kept find new ways to pack everything in.  When I was done I looked at my masterpiece and was sure that if the dishwasher were a room it'd be over the occupancy limit.

I thought that is definitely not how that was designed to be done and my mom may not have approved.  Not to mention that some of those dishes definitely were not going to get as clean as they could have.  But hey it worked I thought.  And that is where it hit me.  The market (my wife) didn't demand any higher quality or efficiency than that.  So why should the service or product provider (me) do anything more than what the market demands?  So often well meaning entrepreneurs or startup companies spent too much time on what could be instead of what should be.  I could've spent a lot more time better placing the dishes instead of just piling them and probably done it with two loads instead of one.  But instead I was able to meet (hopefully they pass inspection!) the market demand (get the dishes clean) at only 70ish%. Give the market what it demands and not a penny more.  If you do then it'll just increase your bottom line through opportunity cost.

Well if nothing else I've got a long winded story to tell the wife in case they don't pass inspection!

Laws of Thermodynamics

I was never very good at physics.  In fact in high school I took AP physics for all of about two weeks!  Then I turned it in for AP Art History.  Not quite the same right?  Well I was reading a book by Tad R. Callister and something really caught my attention.

In physics there are Laws of Thermodynamics.  In these there are a few laws regarding Entropy.  These laws seem to suggest that the universe if left to itself would always move to a state of disorder.  Stephen Hawking explained these ideas like this:

"It is a matter of common experience that disorder will tend to increase if things are left to themselves.  One has only to stop making repairs around the house to see that!  The explanation that is usually given as to why we don't see broken cups gathering themselves together off the floor and jumping back onto the table is that it is forbidden by the second law of thermodynamics.  This says that in any closed system disorder, or entropy, always increases with time.  In other words, it is a form of Murphy's law: Things always tend to go wrong!  An intact cup on the table is a state of high order, but a broken cup on the floor is a disordered state.  One can go readily from the cup on the table in the past to the broken cup on the floor in the future, but not the other way round."(2)

Callister goes on to suggest that just as things in this world, such as the cup, needs a higher force, us, to keep it from a state of disorder; the universe needs a higher force to keep it from a state of disorder.  I believe that one of the greatest examples of this is the creation of this world.  What better example is there of things in disorder going to a state of order?  And how is this possible?  Well according to physics, the laws of thermodynamics, and entropy this can't happen by itself.  An external force must be applied.  A higher power.

Just some food for thought.

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1. Main idea was taken from The Infinite Atonement by Tad R. Callister.
2. Hawking, Brief History of Time, 144-145.

10 Famous Failures and 9 Ways to Spot a Failing Project

AtTask

Here is a re-post of a blog I found really interesting from Ty Kiisel on the @Task blog.

Failure is not uncommon. According to growthink.com, here are 10 Famous Failures that you might remember (if you visit the above link, you can actually see the commercials for these products):

10. Sony Betamax: It may have been higher quality, but the lower price of VHS-C camcorders and the 40+ companies that decided to run with VHS was just too much.

9. New Coke: If it ain't broke, don't fix it. There was nothing wrong with old Coke.

8. Polaroid Instant Home Movies: A reputation for standing around shaking a photo that may or may not have come our right was probably too big a hurdle to overcome for the instant film manufacturer.

7. Crystal Pepsi: See #9 (New Coke)

6. McDonalds Arch Deluxe Burger: Most adults don't consider McDonalds fine cuisine, and weren't interested in paying significantly more for only slightly different burgers.

5. Apple Lisa: Apple was targeting business consumers, and the lower price tag of IBM PCs just didn't allow Apple to capture much market-share.

4. Levi Type 1 Jeans: Fashion is fickle.

3. IBM PCjr: When it was introduced, it was twice as expensive as an Atari or Commodore.

2. The DeLorean DMC-12: Despite the fact that it was a very cool car, DeLorean himself took the company under after he was arrested for drug-trafficking which resulted in bankruptcy.

1. The Ford Edsel: There were many reasons why the Edsel failed. The name for one. The Edsel story is now a real-world example of how not to market a product.

Although the above examples are all products that failed, it got me thinking about the number of project failures that happen every year. Fortunately, when projects are in trouble, there are early warning signs (if you're watching). The earliest signs might be hard to measure, but easy to recognize if you're paying attention:

1. Lack of Interest: Whether it's a lack of interest within the project team or among the project stakeholders, it's often demonstrated by people not showing up for meetings, a lack of active participation and feedback, or a poorly organized user base. This is an early warning sign of a project in trouble.
2. Poor Communication: If nobody is communicating, including stakeholders, team members and end users, there could be a problem.
3. Lack of Velocity: Projects should always be moving forward. The best way to keep a good velocity is to divide your project into small deliverables at frequent intervals. If the project isn't moving forward, it's likely in trouble.
4. A "No-Bad-News" Environment: Nobody likes to be the bearer of bad news, but sometimes organizations need to face the reality of negative news. This includes project team members who don't want to be the messenger and business leaders who tend to shoot the messenger. If there isn't an environment where the communication is honest about "reality", projects tend to fail.

You don't need to depend on some of the intangible signs that a project is in trouble, there are also a number of easily measurable signs as well:

1. Lots of Overtime: A project running on schedule should have little or no overtime. Overtime is often a quick fix, but leads to poor employee health resulting from too much caffeine, too many late nights and too much junk food. (It also leads to mistakes.)
2. Diversion of Resources: When people are pulled from one project to work on something else, it could be a sign of trouble. If you've budgeted your people properly, a few hours here and there on a troubled project can quickly add up and cascade down, endangering healthy projects.
3. Ratios Trouble: Cost ratios and schedule ratios are financial metrics that allow business leaders to measure budgeted time and money verses money and time actually spent. Without metrics, all you have to rely on is the accuracy of communication you receive from project teams.
4. Milestones Aren't Met: This is pretty obvious, but it is surprising how many times this warning sign is ignored. Small, discrete and often, are the guidelines for the milestones of a successful project.
5. Scope Changes: A common approach to shoring up a lagging project is to change the scope. Eliminating features or relaxing requirements is not uncommon, but if project teams are doing it because the project is struggling, it's a huge warning sign of danger ahead.

Of course, warning signs are not the work management harbinger of doom, they are just warning signs that a project might be in trouble. Depending on how your organization handles project-based work, the right project management tools can help identify potential problems early, when there's still time to do something about them.

The Doctor Story

I love this story a lot.  A classmate showed it to me for one of our group presentations.  I think it really shows how “progressive” of a thinker you are.  It also clearly illustrates an idea that many people think to be bogus.  Before I give it away here is the story.  Try your best to read the story without looking at what is written below it.  Try to figure out how this story is possible.

The Doctor story

A father and his son were driving to a ball game when their car stalled on the railroad tracks.  In the distance a train whistle blew a warning.  Frantically, the father tried to start the engine, but in his panic, he couldn’t turn the key, and the onrushing train hit the car.  An ambulance sped to the scene and picked them up.  On the way to the hospital, the father died.  The son was still alive but his condition was very serious, and he needed immediate surgery.  The moment they arrived at the hospital, he was wheeled into an emergency operating room, and the surgeon came in, expecting a routine case.  However, on seeing he boy the surgeon blanched and muttered, “I can’t operate on this boy– he’s my son.”

So how is it possible?  Do you understand?  Cause I don’t (or didn’t)!  Even after rediscovering it for the second time it took me about five minutes or so before I realized my mistake again.  So want to know the secret?  The gender of the doctor is never said.  The doctor is the boy’s mother.  Many people, myself included, have a hard time reasoning with how this story is possible because we assume that doctors are males.  I have heard conversation after conversation discussing the problem.  It’s his stepfather, grandfather, godfather, see a pattern?  Most of the time all of these options are considered and even more before the simple realization that the doctor can be a woman.  Once this has set in it is quite obvious how this situation is possible.  His mother is the doctor.  A perfectly beautiful case of language and verbal communication and how they often dictate how we think.  There are so many times in case when I think is what we are doing going to make a difference or does it really matter?  This story is a small reminder that communication does matter

The Gender Issue

            “No ‘him’ or ‘her’; preschool fights gender bias” is an article from the Associated Press written by Jenny Soffel.  It talks about Egalia, a pre-school in Sweden that is attempting to eliminate gender from children’s minds.  Oh wait, I’m sorry, gender stereotypes.  The two get so confusing sometimes.

            The article, author, and school they talk about all have the incorrect notion that modern current day society gives the upper hand to boys and men.  Unfortunately, for me, this isn’t true.  What is true is that women run the discourse around this subject so naturally they are viewed as victims and men are the bad guys.  The true fact of the matter is that modern day society in many ways favors women over men.  We have learned about this throughout the semester with articles like “Do male students need affirmative action?” published in Newsweek which describes how in higher education women are out numbering men in concerning amounts.  “The end of men” by Hanna Rosin published in The Atlantic talks about how now women in the US outnumber men in the workplace and the fact that the modern day workplace is more suited toward female stereotypes.  However this paragraph alone shows how easily we can get away from a working solution.

            Despite what some would want you to believe men and women are different and that is a wonderful thing.  The above paragraph plays into the discourse that it is them or us (the them’s and us’es depending upon your gender), which is so easy to fall into.  This discourse however is a stifling one and horrible for our society.  One of the main problems is that there are only two answers and only one winner to the question.  It doesn’t leave room for collaboration or cooperation.  The other problem is that no one can escape it.  We are all either male or female and therefore involved in the discourse or fight, as some would put it.  Right, there is that.  Now back to the article.

            Tanja Bergkvist, a blogger, brings up an important point.  She says, "Different gender roles aren't problematic as long as they are equally valued."  This is what I believe is the real solution to the “gender issue.”  Unlike some feminist circles believe, I think it is okay to be different and that equality isn’t the solution.  Equality in the sense of if you give a man an apple then you have to give a woman an apple.  If women like or are better at eating pears rather than an apple than why does that have to be a bad thing cause it’s not what men like?  We should be celebrating the fact that women love pears and men love apples, that there is enough food for everyone and that we don’t have to fight over it.  Isn’t that a nice picture?

            Getting back to the preschool.  In any case no matter how you look at the issue Egalia’s solution is not a working one.  At best the children there will leave the school unprepared to face the world where gender stereotypes abound.  The word stereotype often comes with a negative connotation.  This leads, as language often does, us to believe that stereotypes themselves are negative.  But this is not always true.  Stereotypes help us navigate our world.  They help us to have the ability and opportunity to think about other things in our conscious minds.  We can hold stereotypes and yet recognize that those stereotypes won’t be the case all the time and that it is okay for that to happen.  Once again many feminist circles have this wrong, as their goal is to eliminate stereotypes.  This would result in a society that was unproductive and ineffective.